dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
