there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
