So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
