Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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