im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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