oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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