Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
did i just pee glitter
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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