Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
