How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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