Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
