I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
