I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
