I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
look no pants
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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