Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Farmville is her only friend.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i dont even know how to be here
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
