one two three fourrrrnication!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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