I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
