Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sarcasm needs its own font
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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