no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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