Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
