I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
