Have you finally orgasmed yet?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
