I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
