You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
