On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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