dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
