Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
