I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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