You smell like stripper and shame
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
