you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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