Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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