You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
