No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
