You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
