I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
