Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
