you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
