im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
