I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
