and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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