I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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