When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
