marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
