oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
