I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
