Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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