i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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