My room smells like vodka and shame
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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