but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
