dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
