I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
