mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
