I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
