Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
