I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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