I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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