I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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