According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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