it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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