the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
