I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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