We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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