need another drink. this is the easiest way
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
