I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
