We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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