and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
