I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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