The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
