When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
