help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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