yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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