One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
