The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
