I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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