There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
