Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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