So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
