Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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