Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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