i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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