Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
