did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
