I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
