my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
