You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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