I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
