shes about as inviting as chlamydia
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
