If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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