dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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