Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
