I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
