He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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